If someone you met online keeps asking for money, gift cards or crypto, assume it may be a romance scam. Stop paying, keep the evidence, check their identity and report it to your bank and the police.
Ars Technica reports on a documentary, Super Scam Me, which follows a victim as she tracks down the person who scammed her. The film is a reminder that these schemes are run by organised people, not faceless software. This guide does not deal with confronting scammers. It covers the safer, more useful work: spotting the pattern, cutting your losses and getting help.
Gather what you need first
Before you act, collect a few things. You need access to the profile or account the person uses on the dating app, social network or messaging service. You need your bank and card statements, plus records of any transfers, gift card purchases or cryptocurrency sent. Have a device you can take screenshots on. Write down the contact details of your bank’s fraud team and your national fraud reporting service. It also helps to have one person you trust who is not involved in the relationship, because an outside view is valuable when your feelings are tied up in it.
You do not need any technical skill. Most of the steps below take an afternoon and some honesty with yourself.
Pause every payment and request
Send nothing more while you check: no money, no gift card codes, no crypto, no personal documents. Scammers often create urgency, such as a medical emergency, a customs fee, a frozen bank account or an investment window that is “about to close”. Real emergencies can survive a delay of a day or two. If the person gets angry, sulks or threatens to leave because you want time, treat that as information about the relationship.
Do not tell them you suspect a scam yet. Doing so can lead to a burst of pressure, guilt or new stories designed to keep you paying.
Check whether the identity holds up
Run a reverse image search on their profile photos using a mainstream search engine. Stolen pictures often turn up under other names, on modelling sites or on the social media of a real person who has nothing to do with the scam. Compare the details they have given you, such as job, location and family, against anything you can verify on your own.
Ask for a live video call at short notice. Repeated excuses are a classic warning sign: a broken camera, a poor connection, a job on an oil rig or a military posting. A video call is not proof, because deepfake tools exist, but refusing over and over is significant.
Compare the story with known patterns
Romance scams follow recognisable scripts. Common ones include:
- Intense affection very early, sometimes called love bombing, with talk of a shared future within days or weeks.
- A quick push to move off the dating platform onto a private messaging app.
- A claimed job that keeps them abroad or out of reach.
- A first request that is small, followed by larger ones.
- Investment “opportunities”, often in cryptocurrency, that they offer to coach you through.
- Requests to receive and forward money or parcels for them.
That last pattern deserves special care. Moving money for someone else can involve you in money laundering, even if you did not mean to.
Preserve the evidence
Take screenshots of the profile, the conversations, usernames, phone numbers, email addresses and any wallet addresses or bank details they gave you. Save receipts and transaction references. Note dates where you can. Do not delete the conversation, even if you want to. Banks, platforms and police all work faster with records they can check.
Report it to your bank, the platform and the authorities
Call your bank’s fraud line as soon as possible using the number on your card or the bank’s official website, not a number the other person gave you. Some transfers can be stopped or recalled if the bank acts quickly. Others cannot, but the bank needs to know either way. If you paid with gift cards, contact the company that issued them. If you sent cryptocurrency, report it to the exchange you used.
Report the profile to the dating app or social network so they can investigate and remove it. Then file a report with your national fraud reporting service or the police. You may not get your money back, but reports help investigators connect cases and spot networks.
Get support and protect yourself from follow-up scams
Being scammed by someone you trusted with your feelings is painful, and shame keeps many people quiet. Tell someone you trust. Victim support organisations and fraud helplines can offer practical and emotional help.
Expect a second wave. People who have lost money are often contacted by “recovery agents” who promise to get the money back for an upfront fee. This is almost always another scam, sometimes run by the same group. Change any passwords you shared, turn on two-factor authentication and watch your accounts for unusual activity.
Avoid the mistakes people actually make
The most common mistake is sending “one last payment” in the hope of getting earlier money back. Scammers invent release fees, taxes and penalties for exactly this reason. Another is keeping the relationship secret from friends and family. Scammers often encourage this, and it removes the people most likely to notice something is wrong.
People also confront the scammer before saving the evidence, which can lead to accounts being deleted and conversations vanishing. Some pay recovery services they find through adverts or that contact them directly. Others feel too embarrassed to report what happened, which means banks and police never hear about it. Finally, some people treat a single video call or a convincing document as final proof, when both can be faked.
Know when this approach is the wrong choice
This guide assumes you have time to pause and check. If someone is threatening you, has intimate images of you and is demanding money, or knows where you live and is making threats, contact the police straight away rather than working through the steps yourself. Sextortion and threats of violence need urgent help from professionals.
It is also the wrong model for trying to track down or confront a scammer in person, as the documentary’s subject does. It is not known from the source what risks were involved in that case. In general, scam networks can be organised and dangerous, and doing your own investigation can put you at risk and undermine official cases. Leave identification and arrest to law enforcement. Finally, if you are worried about a relative who will not accept that they are being scammed, the steps above may not work. Specialist fraud support services can advise on how to have that conversation.
Frequently asked questions
What are the warning signs of a romance scam?
The usual signs are fast, intense affection, pressure to move off the dating platform, constant excuses for avoiding video calls, and a job that keeps the person far away. Requests for money then follow, often for emergencies, travel or investments, and often paid in gift cards, cryptocurrency or wire transfers. Any one sign alone may be innocent. Several together, especially once money comes up, strongly suggest a scam and are a reason to stop and check before sending anything more.
Can I get my money back after a romance scam?
Sometimes, but it is not guaranteed. Contact your bank’s fraud team quickly, because some transfers can be stopped or recalled if they act fast. Card payments may be disputed in some circumstances. Gift cards and cryptocurrency are much harder to recover. Be very wary of anyone who offers to recover your money for an upfront fee. These recovery offers are a well-known follow-up scam aimed at people who have already lost money.
Should I confront the person scamming me?
Generally, no. Confronting a scammer before you have saved your evidence can lead them to delete accounts and conversations. Contact can also open you up to more manipulation, threats or attempts to get more money. Scam operations can be organised, so trying to track someone down yourself can be risky. Save the records, report them to your bank, the platform and the police, and let investigators deal with identification and any action.
Where do I report a romance scam?
Report it in three places. First, your bank or payment provider, using the official contact details. Second, the dating app or social network where you met the person, so the profile can be investigated and removed. Third, your national fraud reporting service or the police. If you sent cryptocurrency or used gift cards, also tell the exchange or the card issuer. Keep screenshots and transaction references ready, because they speed up every report.
Sources and further reading
- Ars Technica: coverage of the Super Scam Me documentary and its exclusive clip of a victim tracing her scammer
- National consumer protection and fraud reporting agencies: published guidance on spotting and reporting romance fraud
- Banking industry fraud prevention bodies: advice on authorised push payment scams and recalling transfers
- Victim support charities: guidance on the emotional effects of fraud and on avoiding recovery scams
Surfaced from the rss:arstechnica signal “romance scam documentary”. AI-assisted draft, editorially reviewed.
